Sex Tips For Zombies


Fisting 101 for Zombies
March 3, 2009, 12:05 am
Filed under: Dear STFZ, safer sex

Dear Sex Tips for Zombies,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and things are great.  Yesterday she asked me to fist her, but I’ve never fisted anyone before in my life and I don’t know how to do it.  I don’t want to tell her I can’t do it, because I want to make her happy, but I’m afraid of doing it wrong.  Help me, STFZ!

First-time Fister

Dear FTF,

The first thing you should absolutely do is tell her you’ve never done it before, BUT you are more than happy to try new things with her.  Any zombie will be ecstatic to learn that you are willing to explore new sexual territory with them!  You don’t mention that she’s an experienced fister or fistee, so it could be that she’s never done it before either!  In any case, here are some basic safety precautions you should take.

First of all, you need to make sure that your hands and her vagina are at room temperature (around 70 degrees Fahrenheit).  You can achieve more intense sensations by experimenting with cooling down or heating up body parts, but I recommend you leave that for when you have some experience with how it should feel already.  Room temperature is best because at that temperature, your skin and muscles will be more flexible.  Hotter temperatures can increase flexibility, but if you go too far you will start inducing rot and limpness, neither of which are usually good.  So start with room temperature.

Next, make sure you have the correct size hand for this.  It’s usually good to start small, so use the smallest hand you have to begin with (or borrow one for sizing purposes).  The correct hand size will depend on the stretchiness of her vagina and how relaxed she can get.  Different zombies prefer different widths, so many fisting aficionados tend to keep a variety of hands around to play with.

Once you have a properly-sized hand, have her lie on her back with her knees bent.  Make sure she is comfortable.  Using plenty of lubrication, start working your fingers into her slowly.  Focus on getting her aroused and relaxed.  My previous hint on soaking genitals in blood prior to sexual activity may be especially useful here.  Going very slowly, start working more fingers into her.  Sometimes people find it useful to detach their hand at this stage so they can get a better angle.

After some time of this, you will find yourself with your fingers fully in her.  The hardest part is getting past the thumb joint.  If you picked a hand that was too large, you may have to stop at this point.  If the hand is sized correctly, however, with enough patience and stimulation and lube, you should be able to eventually slide your entire hand in.  Make sure to move very slowly, especially when your hand in inside.  You don’t want to accidentally damage anything.  You can form your hand into a fist if you want to, and see if she likes that.

Most importantly, listen to your partner’s responses.  Fisting requires a lot of care and communication and patience.  It is not something to take lightly.

When you are both done, it is time to withdraw your hand.  Be very careful at this stage – I know of many zombies who have withdrawn too fast, only to leave a fingertip or two behind.  Withdraw slowly and with as much care as you took in entering.  If more lubrication is needed, add it.

Good luck, FTF!  Play safe, and I’m sure you will have a great time!

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Sometimes people find it useful to detach their hand at this stage so they can get a better angle.

This, right here, is the best reason I have ever read to date a zombie. Brilliant, as always!

Comment by Rona

After some time of this, you will find yourself with your fingers fully in her. The hardest part is getting past the thumb joint. If you picked a hand that was too large, you may have to stop at this point.

Don’t forget — if you’re having trouble getting past the thumb joint, you can always remove the thumb. I keep around an old hand whose thumb I’ve lost just for this purpose.

Also, in some cases, it can be a good idea to start with a hand with fewer fingers left on it and work your way up to a complete one.

Comment by Baab

Rona, I’m happy to provide as many reasons for dating zombies as it takes! Thanks!

Baab, what a great idea. Thanks for posting!

Comment by sextipsforzombies




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