Sex Tips For Zombies

Furry Zombies?
April 3, 2009, 5:37 pm
Filed under: Dear STFZ

Dear STFZ,

I was a furry in real life before I became a zombie, and to my surprise I found that I am still a furry.  I fell in with a group of zombies who became furries after their transformation.  I would never have imagined what they have done!  My friend Bob goes around with cat paws instead of hands and has managed some clever way to attach a cat tail to his bum.  Janice sometimes goes around with a dog head instead of her own head.  However, all their substitutions have to be temporary, since we haven’t yet been able to successfully switch our body parts with those of our favored animals.  We’ve tried turning pets into zombies first, and then exchanging hands and heads, but it never takes.  The heads and paws just keep being their animal parts while our bodies remain under our control.  When we use dead animal heads and paws, well, it works fine for a while but then it gets old, not being able to use our hands.  There has to be a solution to this problem!  Please help us, STFZ!

Fantasizing Furry

Dear FF,

You may be surprised to find that you are not the only zombie to have encountered this problem.  Check out the researches of Dr. Paterson Roberts, who pioneered cross-species exchanges.  We all know that it is trivial to exchange body parts and such with other human zombies, but cross-species exchanges are much more difficult.  Dr. Roberts began her work with chimpanzees, but has since made a broad study of many animals, including giraffes, hummingbirds, sea lions, and bears.  Unfortunately, I do not think she ever did any work with cats or dogs – perhaps those species seemed too mundane to her.

Her conclusions are still inconclusive, but she had middling success with transplants between humans and monkeys, as well as between gorillas and chimpanzees.  She achieved the most success by soaking the ends in a mixture of the blood from both species before attempting attachment.  Unfortunately, her work is still on-going, and you can see that it is a very new field of research, with very few practical results as of yet.  It seems that your fantasy will have to remain a fantasy, at least for now.



4 Comments so far
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As a living furry, I’ve not done too much research into the specific issues of zombie furrydom. But it might be worth looking into some of the more extreme body modifications that furries have done in the past. For example, a small but growing number of people have implanted whiskers into their faces. When the whiskers are pulled, they pull the skin around them slightly, so the whiskers don’t have to be connected to the nervous system directly. Zombies could get actual whiskers from the animals of their choice and not have to worry about the cost of a trained piercer. Claws could probably work similarly, although getting retraction might be difficult. If you find that any of this works for you, you should definitely show it off at Anthrocon’s Masquerade this year!

Best of luck,


Comment by Trish Kitten

Nice idea, Trish!

I would suggest possibly attaching two whiskers to each other and then passing them in, and back out, through the skin of your cheek. This way they will be set more firmly, and won’t just fall out. Make sure to pick a firm section of your face – and don’t tug on the whiskers too hard, lest it pull your cheek off.

Comment by sextipsforzombies

This post is win!

Comment by bpup

Thank you, bpup!

Comment by sextipsforzombies

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