Sex Tips For Zombies


Zombie Medical Science Advances, or, So That’s Why My Libido is So Strong Now That I’m A Zombie
April 22, 2009, 9:19 pm
Filed under: activism, reviews, zombie sightings

A few weeks ago, I had the great fortune to attend a talk by distinguished psychiatrist Dr. Steven Schlozman. This was hosted by the Coolidge Corner Theatre, which as it turns out is a great supporter of zombie rights. Now, as you know, much of how and why we are the way we are is still unexplained by human science, so I very much looked forward to hearing about the recent advances in understanding our bodies. His talk was fairly thorough, though it became clear very early on just how much still needs to be researched. A professor from Michigan wrote that by the classic laws of biology, our dead flesh should not be able to move, due to the lack of oxygen. Nevertheless, we do lurch, and shamble, and we do have control over our dead flesh (some more than others).

We already know some things, just through our common experience. We know that cold allows us to stave off decomposition and preserves our bodies. We know that we need freshly killed flesh to continue to unlive (preferably humans, as they are the tastiest and most nutritious). We know that we can suffer almost all injuries without much impediment. We know that it is hard to perform cross-species grafts, but it is easy to exchange organs and limbs with other zombies. We know all these things to be true, because we experience them,but we still don’t know why things are the way they are.  I would love to see more scientists start making strides in this rich field of study.

Dr. Schlozman has made a strong foray into zombie medical science.  In his lecture he puts forth a theory of zombie brain function.  He suggests that while in humans, the amygdala is well-modulated and frontal lobe function is strong, in zombies, our frontal lobe function is decreased while the amydala is stronger.  This results in stronger “base” desires, such as rage, hunger, fear…and lust.  (Yes, now I have a scientific theory as to why it is typical for zombie libidos to be much stronger than their previous human ones….)

Yes, fellow readers, he mentioned lust.  I was wriggling in my seat with joy.  Unfortunately, he did not elaborate on lust as he did on hunger and other desires.  But I will take my victories where I can: five years ago no self-respecting professor would mention zombie lust in a serious lecture.  Today, it was taken easily in stride by the packed lecture hall.

Anyway, if you are interested in the lecture, you can watch the video (video podcast?), or you can wait for his comprehensive paper to come out – soon to be published in Progress in Neurobiology.

After his lecture followed the screening of the classic horror film, Night of the Living Dead.  I watched it, but I had to cover my eyes when the zombies were lit on fire, and also in the last scene when the poor defenseless zombies were picked off one-by-one by callous human posse.  For all that it is a very human-centric film, I liked how the humans were shown to be the unfeeling, fractious, and controlling beings that they are often in real life.  Humans make much of their frontal lobe domination, but honestly, we zombies manage quite well without it and I think things are much better that way.

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1 Comment so far
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This post is so fantastic that I just had to keep re-reading it. I suggest you write a book. Tentative title: “Our zombie bodies, our zombie selves”.

Comment by Anon




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