Sex Tips For Zombies


Dear STFZ: Threesomes?
May 23, 2009, 7:53 pm
Filed under: Dear STFZ, sex advice

Dear STFZ,

I’ve had this fantasy for a while. My zombie partner and I, we’d go find a tasty looking human to eat. But instead of eating him, we would bring him home, take him to bed, and eat him slowly while fucking each other. Have you heard of this fetish before? So far I haven’t been able to find any zombie who wants to do this. Some are turned off by the sex-with-living aspects, others are turned off by the sex-with-food aspect of the fantasy. 😦 How do I find someone who is willing to indulge in this kink with me? Am I doomed to only roleplay this scene out in my mind?

Desperate for a Nibble

Dear Desperate,

Do not fear: I can personally attest that there are more of you out there.  In fact, I have received more than a few emails just like yours.  The problem is, however, that you may not have anything in common with your fellow fetishists other than this particular desire.  While shared sexual compatibility is important, a relationship is built on far more than simply shared sexual interests.  So I would caution you from getting caught up in this one particular kink when searching for a partner.

I wasn’t entirely sure, however, if you were looking for a relationship partner or merely just some fun.  If it is the latter, I would suggest using the internet to search for fellow fetishists.  If you are too decomposed to comfortably use the internet (then how are you reading this blog?), I recommend asking the help of a fellow zombie, or capturing a human who is willing to help you in return for his/her life.  The web is a good place to start because it is a useful way to bring people from all different areas of the country together.  On a singles site you can “meet” many more people and more quickly than you can at a bar or coffee shop.  Establish your interest in this particular kinky fun right off, and you will screen out everyone who is going to be turned off by it.  I am sure there will be some zombies who would be all for indulging your kink, in which case all you have to do is to meet up and find a hapless victim.  [Also note that the first time you meet someone from the internet you should do so in a public place.  Do not assume that just because you get along with someone online that you will get along with them face-to-face.]

If you are looking for a relationship / partnership which includes this kink, your chances are much smaller.  Be willing to compromise: perhaps the love of your life will not be willing to share a whole human during sex, but will be willing to eat a human right before or right after.  Or perhaps he/she will be willing to indulge you so much as feeding you an eye or a finger while you masturbate.  Stay flexible, and you will be much more likely to satisfy your needs reasonably well.

Good luck, Desperate!

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1 Comment so far
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