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Yesterday I was pondering zombie gangbangs. As a human, the definition of a gangbang seemed quite clear. As a zombie though, the options seem endless.
Is this when we find one of the few humans remaining and mob them, tearing them apart and eating their flesh in a sensual sexual ecstasy of delight? (There’s really nothing quite like living human flesh, particularly their brains.)
Or is it simply the same as a human gangbang, but with zombies performing the sexual acts?
Is it is where we find a zombie, dismember it thoroughly, and then use each of its limbs and body parts to fuck another zombie? Reassembly of the dismembered zombie is optional, depending on their preferences, of course.
We’re talking about consensual gangbanging of course. Except possibly for the human.
What do you think should be the definition?
At its heart, Zombie Strippers is a deeply stirring tale about the emptiness of the human condition and the fulfillment of zombiedom. It is also an epic tragedy, where few if any of the characters come to an understanding of the true horrors of existence.
For a movie made by humans, for humans, it takes a surprisingly understanding view on zombie life. Historically humans have reviled and indiscriminately murdered our kind, so it is especially pleasant to see that we do have some allies among them. In the movie, the zombie strippers are depicted as being extremely desirable, as well as having their own motives and personalities (faint as those may be). Several of the human strippers voluntarily become zombies, something that we know happens fairly frequently in real life but due to human prejudice is rarely shown on film.
The writers of the movie have also clearly done some research before developing their film. I doubt that they actually bothered to meet with any real zombies, and they certainly didn’t (as usual) hire any zombies, but at least they seem to have searched out zombie-made porn, and taken some cues from that. Not great, but I have to say, better than what other human directors have bothered to do. The classic bloodshot comes early in this film, but is shot with enthusiasm and fervor. And again, zombie sexuality is paired with a heavy metal soundtrack. Is there something about heavy metal that seems appropriate for the undead? I guarantee that we have a wide variety of musical tastes here.
Where the film fails, it fails dramatically. Male zombies are shown as nothing more than mindless creatures, a throwback to the older more classic zombie films. In a movie that made such leaps forward in showing a fairer portraits of zombies, it is especially disheartening to see such a pointless, unrealistic, and discriminatory portrayal of male zombies. Many of my male friends found the movie offensive and hurtful as a result.
The film was only rated a 4.4 on IMDB, and I have to admit to feeling pretty conflicted about how to rate the film. On one hand, it is one of the most progressive portrayals of zombies I have seen to date. On the other, it introduces some deeply problematic themes that may continue to haunt us. In the end, I can only give it faint praise – which only serves to highlight the disappointing nature of human-zombie relations.
Filed under: zombie sightings
Anyone else feel a little nibblish around here? Check out Street Anatomy, where they will treat you to beautiful designs made of humans – and sometimes animals, if you ask nicely. Their most delightful treat yet is little brain cupcakes – I think they must somehow shrink human brains before pickling them and placing them on the cupcake. Just think, bite-sized brains! They look absolutely delightful. I want to taste them on my tongue, their sweet juices running down my chin, biting into that delightful burst of creamy, fragrant brain. Picking the little brains off the cupcakes and feeding them to my lover like grapes.
Excuse me – I have something I need to take care of.
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Not only is there video, but there exist zombie porn stills. For instance:
I know that not everyone finds brains sexy, or rusty bathtubs, but just think about it. Easing yourself into the formaldehyde for a bath, feeling the soothing coolness after a long hot summer day. The brains bump gently into you whenever you move. Imagine stroking them, submerging yourself underneath the surface and looking up, your whole world nothing but brains, brains, and brains.
(I, unfortunately, am not as lucky as the zombie who took this shot. However, if anyone wishes to donate a brain to this fantasy, please send it along, by all means.)
Filed under: zombie sightings
Many of us appreciate the company of animals – you may think that turning into a zombie means that you lose the pleasure of a good run with your dog, or of watching a cat sunning itself on the windowsill, but that’s not true at all. Zombies appreciate animal company. However, we have to be a bit more careful than the living in selecting our pets.
It’s one thing if you already had a pet when you turned into a zombie. Dogs, in particular, have a great tolerance and acceptance of whatever changes their owners may undergo, including death. It could be that they do not quite understand that you are dead – in fact, it often takes them a while to understand that now you have different limitations and move slower than you used to. But they remain faithful companions (most of them) and will still go on walks with you, sleep at the foot of your bed, and play fetch. (Word of advice: it is not actually a good idea to play fetch with your dog using your arm. He will not understand that this is something he shouldn’t eat.)
Cats, on the other hand, are notorious for their lack of loyalty. If you are going to turn into a zombie, do it where your cat won’t notice, or else you might wake up minus an eye or a few toes. However, once you are mobile and able to defend yourself again, you should be relatively safe from your cat. Make sure to keep it well-fed and be especially wary should you start to smell like fish. (It’s particularly hard to get smells out of rotten flesh, by the way. Look for a post in the future on that topic.) Cats are also particularly fastidious and tend to dislike it when you start decomposing. Dogs tend to be happy even if your skin is partially liquified and falling off when you pet them; cats will give you a disdainful look and begin grooming right away.
(I actually have less personal experience with other animals such as snakes or mice, so I can’t really speak about them. Anyone have experiences with other pets or advice to add?)
Of course, one of the best things about keeping your pet through the life-death transition is that you get to have your pet for much longer. When it is about to die, simply turn it into a zombie and you can continue to have plenty of fun. Since your pet may not completely understand what is happening, you will have to train it to be more cautious with its body and to feed it until it can fend for itself.
What if you weren’t so lucky to own a pet before you became a zombie? Unfortunately, unless the pet already knows you, it is far more likely to attack you than it is to bond with you. I have heard of a new zombie company that is trying to breed and train puppies and kittens from youth to be used to zombie company, but so far they have not reached the point of selling any. Until another solution arrives, your best bet is to find a living pet and turn it into a zombie. Unfortunately this means that you will not have as much time with your pet as if you started with a living pet, since they do not tend to understand as much about the zombie condition and act just as recklessly as they do while alive. Some of this can be combated with training, but not everything.
And finally, for those of you who already have zombie pets, check out Skelanimals:
Filed under: zombie sightings
Alert reader Worrggh sent me a link to Humerus, a wonderful site with a good zombie focus. Check it out!
Filed under: Uncategorized
The news for zombies keeps getting better and better. I recently heard about COLIN, a new movie which finally tells the story of the rise of the zombies from a zombie perspective. It’s about time that our voices were heard!
Dear STFZ,
I’ve had this fantasy for a while. My zombie partner and I, we’d go find a tasty looking human to eat. But instead of eating him, we would bring him home, take him to bed, and eat him slowly while fucking each other. Have you heard of this fetish before? So far I haven’t been able to find any zombie who wants to do this. Some are turned off by the sex-with-living aspects, others are turned off by the sex-with-food aspect of the fantasy. 😦 How do I find someone who is willing to indulge in this kink with me? Am I doomed to only roleplay this scene out in my mind?
Desperate for a Nibble
Dear Desperate,
Do not fear: I can personally attest that there are more of you out there. In fact, I have received more than a few emails just like yours. The problem is, however, that you may not have anything in common with your fellow fetishists other than this particular desire. While shared sexual compatibility is important, a relationship is built on far more than simply shared sexual interests. So I would caution you from getting caught up in this one particular kink when searching for a partner.
I wasn’t entirely sure, however, if you were looking for a relationship partner or merely just some fun. If it is the latter, I would suggest using the internet to search for fellow fetishists. If you are too decomposed to comfortably use the internet (then how are you reading this blog?), I recommend asking the help of a fellow zombie, or capturing a human who is willing to help you in return for his/her life. The web is a good place to start because it is a useful way to bring people from all different areas of the country together. On a singles site you can “meet” many more people and more quickly than you can at a bar or coffee shop. Establish your interest in this particular kinky fun right off, and you will screen out everyone who is going to be turned off by it. I am sure there will be some zombies who would be all for indulging your kink, in which case all you have to do is to meet up and find a hapless victim. [Also note that the first time you meet someone from the internet you should do so in a public place. Do not assume that just because you get along with someone online that you will get along with them face-to-face.]
If you are looking for a relationship / partnership which includes this kink, your chances are much smaller. Be willing to compromise: perhaps the love of your life will not be willing to share a whole human during sex, but will be willing to eat a human right before or right after. Or perhaps he/she will be willing to indulge you so much as feeding you an eye or a finger while you masturbate. Stay flexible, and you will be much more likely to satisfy your needs reasonably well.
Good luck, Desperate!
When I began this blog, I expected to encounter serious resistance and bigotry against the ideas of zombie sex. I have encountered such bigotry, but what has made an even bigger impression on me has been the sheer groundswell of support for this core concept – and not just from the zombie and undead communities. There are, in any society, progressive and far-thinking beings who think more clearly and more fairly than their peers. Previously I wrote about MissCalico, who wrote in a very zombie way about dissection. Today my featured blogger goes even further. Steward Home writes poignantly of the sexual bigotry he tries to draw attention to with his creation of Necrocards:
To be honest if I was given the opportunity to have sex with a stiff, I’d probably pass it up. However, if prior to their death someone has given their consent to necrophiliac sex, then I don’t really see what moral objections can be raised against it. One of the things that makes the world an interesting place is a wide variety of sexual tastes. People should be free to experiment sexually as long as this is done with the consent of those they are shagging. Not accepting this principle has serious implications for those practicing sado-masochism. A good deal of sexual bigotry is still sanctioned by law. It should go without saying that consent is only possible when all those partaking in a sexual act enjoy social equality. Given the power differentials between adults and children, paedophilia can never be consensual and thus it should be condemned as an utterly unacceptable and inappropriate form of behaviour.
Written in 1999, he probably did not anticipate the zombie outbreaks in the 2000’s. But the philosophy still applies: dead, undead, or living, we should all be free to explore our sexual selves. It is sad to note far we still have to go in pursuing sexual freedom, both in the laws on the books as well as the attitude on the streets.
Show your support for sexual freedom: Print out your own necrocard today!
Dear STFZ,
I’m at my wit’s end. My husband of 4 months no longer finds me sexy. He never wants sex anymore. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve tried switching around our genitals, I’ve tried cross-dressing, I’ve tried borrowing bigger breasts, I’ve tried going with no breasts, I’ve tried interesting him with threesomes and foursomes with my friends…nothing!
I’ve asked him what’s wrong, and he just says he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. He’d much rather be watching zombie porn (No thanks to you, STFZ, so I think you owe me) than having sex with his own wife. I have to admit I am a bit on the rottier side, but what’s a zombie to do? I think it’s pretty short-sighted of him. Just because I’m older!
Frustrated and Ashamed
Dear Frustrated and Ashamed,
I write about acceptance of all body types and different stages of rotting, but the sad reality is, not everyone is as smart, kind, or understanding as we would hope they are. Some day, I hope the norm would be this sort of body acceptance and positivity, but until then – unfortunately, there will always be zombies who will be unkind and unsympathetic. Your husband is one of these people. He should have tried to work with you, instead of just dropping you like a gnawed on bone.
It sounds like you still are happy with him and want to make this work. Certainly you have come up with quite some good, imaginative solutions already! So I shan’t belabor the point. If you are not willing to dump him and find a better zombie, sit him down and have a frank discussion about what it would take to get him interested in sex with you again. Here are some suggestions:
- If it is the liquidity of your skin and insides that bother him, consider investing in a lovely latex catsuit or dress. A properly made latex outfit should hold your innards in with a soft firmness, in whatever shape you choose. Properly cared for, will transmit sensation nicely. Some latex outfits have cleverly designed zippers and flaps which allow access to some very nice areas. This is generally a hefty investment, but it can definitely be worth it. Even zombies without your particular issue sometimes like wearing latex for the sensation and also for the shape it lends their bodies.
- If the smell bothers him, I strongly suggest that he simply remove his nose. This is a very simple thing that he can do, and it will save both of you a lot of heartache. If he refuses to even do that…well, that sort of says something about how much he cares about solving this problem.
- If you have access to a fridge, storing yourself there for at least an hour before sex can lesson the liquefaction and also reduce odors. If you want to hurry it up, you can use the freezer, but you should be careful to avoid staying in there too long. Make sure that someone knows you are there and can rescue you if you become too frozen. (If you do end up freezing yourself by accident, it is very important to defrost slowly. Otherwise you risk different parts of you expanding or contracting at different rates, thus causing injury. Not that I would know anything about that.)
I hope that helps, Frustrated and Ashamed! You are certainly not the first zombie to encounter this sort of discrimination, and you will not be the last for (unfortunately) quite a while, it seems. Partial zombies, especially those who are down to just an arm or a head or an eyeball, seem to have the toughest time dating. One zombie I know, who was only a hand at this point, has told me how difficult it is to attract anyone’s attention, especially when it takes 5 minutes for my friend to say hello. (On a tangent, it is quite frustrating that we still have to use human languages to communicate. Can someone invent zomblish already? A hand has no gender, and is therefore neither a him nor a her, and is certainly not an it, being a sentient and zombie being. Perhaps I should leave this rant to another post.)
Sex Tips For Zombies 